21 Days: Day 18

ohmygoshyouguysitisalmostover!!!! I’m pretty excited for day 21 even though today has been filled to the brim with sweet moments. I don’t really plan to change much once it’s over.

1. I got up at 4 a.m. because my baby guest was coming at 5:30 so I wanted to be fully awake and functional. I’m a little rusty with babies but found that it comes back quickly, especially when they are at the super cute cuddling and cooing phase. They don’t require much beyond a bottle, clean diaper and snuggles. But I had plenty of time to count blessings, let the dog in and out 75 times, and get my mind right before she got here.

2. In the area of friends, I have been richly blessed. We have a wonderful circle of peeps, some of our kids’ friends’ parents have become great friends, but one of my greatest treasures is the amazing women in my life. Women who inspire, encourage, teach, love, cry with, fight for and accept me. I watch Super Soul Sunday every week, but I am very fortunate to have my own team of super stars.

I talk a lot about my BFF, which I have been advised is petty and immature. I think criticizing other people is also petty and immature. She is everything you could ask for in a friend, and I would lay down my life for her. The only problem is that she lives about 1100 miles away. The good thing is she lives in a perfect vacation spot so we get to visit her at least once a year. Still … that place is 1100 miles away.

We work it out though. We text constantly. She boycotts Facebook; I don’t blame her … the cons outweigh the pros sometimes on that front. We visit at least once a year and sometimes more. Our hearts are always connected even though we rarely talk on the phone because we both dislike talking on the phone, which brings me–finally, I know, right?–to today. My phone rang and it was my girl. Crazy, wonderful, unexpected surprise chats–or any kind of chats, really, with my forever friend are super soul nourishing.

3. These thank you’s are having some really profound effects in my life. I wasn’t prepared for the emotional roller coaster I was boarding.

I’m really grateful for the encouragement during this endeavor. Your comments, texts, likes and so forth mean so very much to me. It makes my heart happy when out of the blue someone shares that they identify with something I wrote. That’s really why I write. It’s therapeutic, and like my hero Anne Lamott advises, I write what I want to read. When I’m dealing with a trial, my first reaction is to read everything that is written about it. I love to read how other people’s deal with the situations I face. And I relate with people who are honest, flawed and real.
 

You know, people are gonna talk; like RuPaul said, “What other people say about me behind my back is none of my business.” (I had no idea who said that–thanks, Google. I was hoping it would be Eleanor Roosevelt. Whatever; it’s good advice.) Regardless of whether or not people choose to be my friend or read my blog or like me, it’s okay; I’m okay. I’m just meandering along my own path with some crazy amazing sidekicks. Writing helps me work through my stuff. And when you spend the first 20 years of your life smiling and pretending everything is awesome, when NEWSFLASH!!! It’s not, there’s a lot to work through. I never try to hurt anyone with my words. That’s not to say that sometimes the truth doesn’t hurt. As Brene Brown says, “Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.” When you tell your stories, you take that power back.

I have made wonderful friends, had great experiences and many moments of grace and healing because I dared to be vulnerable. I’ve shared my heart, my flaws, my experiences–good and bad–and people have bravely reached back. The power of camaraderie. The blessed words, “Me too.” That’s what this is all about. I’m not an attention whore. I’m not self-righteous. I’m certainly not mean and the opposite of miserable. I’m a flawed girl loved by a perfect God trying to make my tiny place in the world a little kinder.

xoxo

Circles

Two days ago, my itty bitty girl came home from school and said, “Mommy, would it hurt your feelings if someone said that one person was their ‘best’ friend and you were just their regular friend?” Having experienced more than my share of my own and my oldest daughter’s mean girl interactions over the years, I confirmed that it would hurt my feelings. Especially at 6. We talked about it a lot and decided it wasn’t kind, and we would try not to single people out in some sort of importance hierarchy.

And while soothing my tiny girl’s heart, I realized that I talk about my “best” friend all the time. It never crossed my mind that it would hurt anyone’s feelings. Especially since one of my “best” friends never sullies her beautiful mind with computers and social media and such. However, when I used the term in a blog, one of my closest friends was unsure if I meant her or someone else.

Like many women, I’ve gone through plenty of friendship evolutions. I have known lots of reason and season people. I have walked away from friendships, had people walk away from me, and had God call people before I was ready to let them go. At this point, I am much better able to see why people are in my life or why I am in theirs.

I have not always had very many real friends, which is why I clung so tightly to my “best” friends. In the past few years, God has blessed me and opened my eyes to see the amazing group of women surrounding me. Women who teach me so much. Women who listen, support, hug, pray for and pray with me. Women who reach out to offer a kind word or just to remind you that you’re not alone in your journey.

To my girlfriends, whether we interact on Facebook, Twitter, at church, work, or a baseball game, I cherish you. Whether I have known you since we were little girls or I just met you, you are important to me, and I’m blessed God allowed our paths to cross. Whether we share DNA, a common relative, or simply an affinity for cats, we are connected, and I’m grateful to share this journey with you.