Then What?

The first few days of my social media fast, I got a lot accomplished, but now as with many things, I’ve come to a place of: NEEEXXXXXTTTT! Just yesterday, I invented a fake syndrome and promptly diagnosed Chloe. While her next few months are filled with exciting study and research trips abroad, then there’s next semester and then next year, and then she graduates and…Then What?

After discovering this disorder, diagnosing Chloe and then listening to Brad, who has been in his own waiting room of sorts, I realized that I had a relatively mild case as well.

My goal in giving up social media was to focus the extra time on my family, writing, reading, praying, and that has all been successful. However, since Brad and Peyton still use social media, after Lily goes to bed, my brain is on F, and I can’t bring myself to do one more productive thing, they are still plugged in. Now, I watch TED Talks and Orange is the New Black* on Netflix.

In the past, I would have gotten on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. I would have commented on some adorable babies, prayed for all the people with prayer requests, encouraged friends who were feeling down, liked pictures of salads, sushi, smoothies, and sunsets, Amen’ed a couple witty musings, and gone to bed.

That brought this alarming realization: The solitude I craved when too many people pulled pieces of me in too many different directions is really lonely. I am not designed to be by myself on an island (unless it’s a warm beautiful one, I could chill there for awhile), writing and reading and making my brain ache. I’m meant to interact with and encourage people. And…guilt: I basically walked away from my mission field by giving up social media.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh.

So, I miss you guys. A lot. I could walk away from this fast, but I’m too stubborn to quit before the 40 days is over. I have an issue with finishing things, often muddling through mind-numbingly boring books, yawning and complaining through wretched movies, and torturing myself to varying degrees in the name of not quitting. I haven’t come up with a name for this disorder yet, but I will. I’m gonna have to write my own makeshift DSM to keep track of my newly minted psychoses. The ironic other side of that coin is that my word for 2014 is: Persevere. Turns out, just as I can’t quit the dumb stuff; I can’t finish the important things. Go figure!

Stay classy, San Diego. I’ll see you in 17 days.

*If you are unfamiliar with OITNB, it’s kind of like the old HBO series Oz but with women. It’s about women in prison and has graphic language and sexuality. If that makes you squeamish, it’s not the show for you. 

Fast On. Again.

Evidently, lots of people are giving up Facebook for Lent. There’s even some cute little profile pictures you can use and 415,782 (at least 3) blogs all ready written advocating why people are, aren’t or think it’s a great/stupid/beneficial/lame idea.

Now, I’m not a particularly opinionated person. I’m not a fixer. I’m no good at giving advice because of the whole, “If I were you…” thing that I kind of wrote about here. In fact, I’m pretty terrible at lots of things, but I’m actually really good at listening, hugging, snuggling, and getting sidetracked. I’m awesome at getting sidetracked. If there were an Olympic event called sidetracking, I’d be a contender. Is there? It seems like spell-check should have redlined sidetracking, but it didn’t, but it did redline “redlined…”

Back to this fast: Giving up social media for me is an opportunity to spend more time reading (I just got 4 new books), writing, creating, listening, hugging, snuggling, and getting sidetracked. The last few weeks I watched how much time I spent on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and thought, man, I could get a lot of stuff done with that time.

For instance, I could pin WAYYYYY more stuff! I’m kidding. Kind of. I’m not giving up Pinterest. That is where my family’s dinner comes from every day. Do you want them to starve? Have you seen my son? That kid can’t afford to miss a meal.

Also, before the SM cops (social media–I went there so I figure you did too) arrest me, this blog is linked to Networked Blogs, so when I post something here, NB shares it on Facebook and Twitter. I am going to write here (see above), but I won’t see or respond to comments on Facebook. I’m fully prepared for the backlash when this goes on FB, and people say, “Oh, wow, you all ready broke your fast?!” or “Knew you wouldn’t make it!” Anyone who’s ever fasted anything knows how that goes.

That in itself is puzzling. The joy some people feel when they perceive someone has failed at something. I don’t get that. However, as a part-time vegan for 5 1/2 years, I’ve experienced all sorts of self-appointed food cops waiting for me to “mess up” so they could say, “AHA! You can’t eat that!” or some other criticism. Except here’s the deal: I didn’t join a club with a bunch of strict rules, I just decided not to eat certain things. So while there probably are vegan cops, I’m not even on their radar.

So, if anyone feels compelled to point out my own or anyone else’s failings, I’m not going to take that personally. And despite my distaste for giving advice (goodness, I’m such a contradiction; no wonder my poor husband is losing his hair) I’m going to suggest you might want to check your own motivations for celebrating another’s failure.

I am 2.5 waking hours into this fast and missing my Facebook friends and wondering what witty tweets and adorable pictures I’ve missed. Also, I wonder if my brother has posted anything horrific on my wall. Did he? Would one of you please contact me in the real world if he does?

Peace out. xoxo