21 Days: Day 10

Mmmmm, two digits. Almost halfway. We are moving a sister this weekend, which reminded me that we moved another sister last year during the Daniel Fast, which reminded me that the best part of moving is the beer and pizza after. There’s not gonna be any beer and pizza, folks.

Today was a pretty normal day–a blessing as “normal” days have been the exception lately. Brad went to work, both kids went to school, and I did 47 loads of laundry and ran the errands I don’t like to think about when Brad and the kids are here.

1. A good night’s sleep makes for a good morning. I hit the snooze button and counted blessings for the whole snooze period. Bed, Brad, kids, friends, a whole day by myself … so many.

2. The extra time home pretty much depleted the kids’ snack cupboard, so after a meeting I headed to ALDI to fill it back up. If you didn’t already know, ALDI has their buggies chained together, so you need to deposit a quarter to get a buggy, then return and re-chain it to get your quarter back. You also have to bring your own bags or boxes. I’m often scatter-brained and have more than a few times found myself there with no quarter and no bags. It’s a great way to save money since you can only buy what you can carry. Unfortunately, if you were planning to do several weeks’ worth of shopping, it’s a downer.

Once, I got the bright idea of paying it forward by leaving my quarter in buggy in case someone came along and didn’t have one. I imagined how thrilled I would have been on one of those quarter-less trips to find an available buggy. So, I’ve been running this shopping buggy ministry for years. Only a few times have I spoken to anyone about it. A person would say, “Hey you forgot your quarter!” And I explained. Usually they smile. Some say it’s a good idea and leave their own quarter. Once, a lady pointed out my mistake. When I told her it was intentional, she looked at me like I had three heads. Then she took her quarter. And mine. I stared dumbfounded as she smugly walked to her car. I said some bad words. If I could have willed a comet to crash to earth right at that moment…

But I told you all this so that it would make sense why I was so ecstatic when I went to ALDI today, and there were FOUR buggies with quarters already in them! People are being kind and thoughtful even if it is in a small seemingly insignificant way. It’s important. That little bitty ripple of kindness you sent out into the world is meaningful. You might never know who you touched or how you impacted them, but if you are sending goodness and love out into the universe, it matters.

3. Well, I mailed the stack of Thank You notes that were on my microwave. Also, I bought some groovy Janis Joplin stamps which made me super happy because I love that little raspy-voiced legend.

Janis is also a member of the 27 Club — famous musicians including Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain and more who died at 27 — which is significant today because it’s my brother Chris’ birthday. He died just a few weeks after his 27th birthday, and he was a rock star to me. So those stamps made me happy even though writing about it now makes me cry. Even after almost 26 years.

Time doesn’t heal wounds, but it affords you space, perspective and opportunity for growth. Life isn’t always fair. It rarely works out how we plan it. Sometimes you have to carry all your groceries in your arms, but sometimes someone leaves a quarter in the buggy. Whatever we do, no matter how small, when we do it with love, it matters.

How are you guys doing today? What are you especially grateful for? Did you make anything remarkable to eat? I bought some cauliflower that I’m gonna try to make into something fabulous. Maybe tomorrow. I’m not feeling it today so I’m subsisting on apples and almonds. Speaking of: Where on earth were honey crisp apples for the first 30-something years of my life? No bother. They are here now. Thank Goodness!

You’re so…DELETE.

Every once in awhile, someone sends me a handwritten card. Out of the blue, my sweet Chloe will send a beautiful, touching, or sometimes silly card but inside are her words, handwritten, which seem ever-so-much-more personal than a text or email or facebook post. A few other friends also do this, and I treasure these little keepsakes. Yes, I love the ability to communicate instantly, but there is something about those cards … like there is a little piece of the sender’s heart in there.

Spurred by my own affinity for receiving them and my constant pursuit to find unique and different ways to encourage and love people, I bought some beautiful note cards and decided to handwrite notes to a few people in the hopes that they would feel as touched as I always do to receive one.

Here’s what I didn’t bargain for: I have become dependent on delete. When you are handwriting a letter, especially on an expensive note card, you’re committed once you put that ink on the paper. Ughh…I tried saying sentences over in my head before writing them. Still, upon re-reading, I felt, “Oh no … that sounds stupid. Did you misspell that word? Honestly? That looks like an m but it’s really an r. Does that make sense? Is this legible? Jeeze, are you illiterate?”

I may have mentioned before that my inner voice is a nasty shrew.

I am by nature an editor, not a writer. I’m way more comfortable fiddling around with words that are already on the page than actually putting them there. I really like to edit and proofread. It makes me giddy to make writing sound clearer and more concise. It’s like polishing silver. I like that as well. I’m an odd duck.

Anyway, when I do write, it’s usually a lot of nonsense–kind of like having a conversation with me. If we have spoken in person, you may have considered me snobby or not very bright or even pondered if English was my native language. True. I promise I’m not snobby; I’m not a mensa member either, and I’m certainly not bilingual. I’m way more comfortable listening than talking. And since my tongue is usually tied, I’m going to spend the rest of my day–or week, depending on how significant the perceived flub–analyzing what I said and how stupid it sounded and perhaps if it was even offensive. Oh no, I hope not, but maybe?

My head is a dark and exhausting place to reside sometimes.

Anyway, my saving grace with typing is edit, delete, cut, paste, read, reread, does this make sense, reword that; it’s already not all ready already. I usually spend twice as much time editing as I do writing, and even then sometimes something will slip through the cracks, and my brother will put me on blast.

So, handwriting is like jumping without a safety net. I’ve become so dependent on all Word’s great tools to optimize my writing and only reveal it at its best that it’s a bit unnerving sending anything out unpolished. (I wasn’t showing off using its and it’s there, but you’re welcome if that particular grammatical conundrum has been vexing your mind.) This is also why I’m tiptoeing into the water with great trepidation trusting my raw writing only to people I am pretty confident aren’t going to smash my heart with the hammer I’ve just given them.

All of this brought me back to something my young friend, who happens to be an amazing speaker and championship encourager, said last week at church, “When negative things come into your head, simply say, ‘Delete.'” We don’t have to own negative self-chatter or criticism from others any more than we need to let an extra letter or a rogue apostrophe go. Just … Delete it.

Try it. It’s more fun than polishing silver. I’ll give you an example from my own inner shrew:

“You didn’t even make it to the gym today. You’re lazy and worthless” Delete
“You should have gotten more accomplished today. You’re irresponsible.” Delete
“You didn’t even manage to do yoga. You’re never going to be in better shape.” Delete
“You should wash your hair…” DELETE!!! Sometimes, that b#$%h really hits below the belt.

While I have been using the delete button to make writing sound better for a long time, I’m just learning how to use it to make myself feel better about negativity from outside and from within. Now that I know this tool is at my disposal though I plan to wield it like my trusty red pen.

What nonsensical negative chatter do you need to delete?