When I’m struggling with a particular issue or better yet, when I think I am NOT struggling with a particular issue, I find myself confronted with multiple lessons on the issue. Perhaps, my heightened awareness makes me pay closer attention, or perhaps God, knowing that I require multiple examples from many different angles before I can get something, sends in the heavenly troops.
For example, just this past week: I read about forgiveness, kind of dismissed it thinking, “I’m a pretty forgiving person.” Immediately I was confronted with a host of past hurts that, guess what, I haven’t forgiven–strike one. Next, I read about gossip, and thought, “I don’t really say mean things about people.” Then I walked in on two people gossiping about me and my youngest child and said HORRIFICALLY unkind things about them–strike two. Finally, I read about offense, and I got scared. Hard as I try not to take things personally, I fall short most of the time. So, I prayed, “Lord, please…I all ready know that is an area where I need work,”–check swing.
The Revelation: Wow. I suuuuccccckkkkk.
It would have been easy to beat myself up for my reactions, agonize over how little progress I have made, and wallow in self-defeating guilt. Fortunately, I realized that the point of the lessons was not to drag me down, but to lift me up. The point was to realize that I can’t change the past–not what I did and not what anyone else did. But I can stop that cycle of bitterness and resentment when it gets to me. I can’t change what people think or say about me, my kids, or anyone else behind our backs, but I can stop that gossip right here. I can react with kindness, compassion, and forgiveness.
This is much easier said than done–obv (shoutout to Chloe), but I’m going to keep working at it. And every moment I’m breathing is an opportunity to do so.
As Lysa TerKeurst reminds me: “I was made for more than being stuck in a vicious cycle of defeat. I am not made to be a victim of my poor choices. I was made to be a victorious child of God.” Amen, sisters.
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