21 Days: Day 2

Most of us would rather avoid negative people who complain and never seem to find the good in anything. Naturally. Well, there’s the flip side too. The overly positive people can grate on someone’s last nerve. A few years ago, I belonged to a small group of church women that met regularly. I love these girls like blood to this day–they’re my sisters with issues. We were a diverse group to say the least, but one lady was super positive, always in a good mood, never worried or upset, just always “trusting in the Lord. Thank you, Jesus.” This was all well and good until one day when a more spirited sister snapped, “Oh, whatever!! You’re just so HOLY.” That’s right. Even holiness can be annoying.

Who wants to be around some happy chirpy little bird (like me yesterday) when you aren’t feeling particularly sunny? Not me for sure. In fact, this morning, I didn’t even want to be around my self from yesterday. I read Day 1, and my higher level mind was able to rise above the splintered damaged part of my personality long enough to roll her eyes as the shrew mocked our words and overall happy demeanor in a sing-song-y voice. Get. It. Together. Suffice it to say, today went a little differently. The cold weather saps my energy and kinda steals my sunshine.

1. I counted my blessings over and over like praying Hail Mary’s for penance. “Thank you for Brad and the kids. Thank you for our health. Thank you for our home and safe cars to drive. Thank you for this warm bed and the sweet baby snuggled up next to me…” then I fell back to sleep. It wasn’t two minutes. When the 8 minutes of snooze elapsed, I reiterated.

2. Try as I might to be grateful for everything today and to look for blessings, I mostly moped and sighed and ate apples. I think it’s all the toxins exiting my body. They’re pretty close to the surface right now and affecting my overall demeanor and behavior. This is me writing around my lack of a meaningful experience. Finally, as I was trying to wrack my brain for something to bliss out about, grace stepped in. Well, grace wandered into my bedroom in the form of my lanky 14-year-old who often doesn’t leave his room for hours at a time. He moseyed in as I tucked Lily in, climbed in bed and snuggled her. I held my breath for a moment because this could have gone either way. Sometimes she welcomes his affection, and other times she offers blows to the face in return. Fortunately, she giggled and showed him a new game on her kindle and for about 2 1/2 minutes, I watched my two getting-too-big-for-my-bed babies share the sweetest moment that made even a kind of crappy day feel pretty darn blessed.

3. You guys … I’m trying to dig deep with these thank you’s, but my brain is so caffeine-deprived that right now it’s a bit of a struggle. So, I’m being real honest with you: They’re not my best work. You might get one. It might include run-on sentences or a scratched out letter or word. It might mention coffee because that’s mostly what’s on my mind. If we went on a coffee date–ever–I’ve been thinking about it. If I were using Facebook, my status updates would be about coffee.

Brief tangent: I walked into my mom’s house today at about 2 p.m. and the sultry, seductive smell of coffee wafted in my direction. My mom only has one cup of coffee per day. In the morning. I took her engaging in this afternoon delight as a personal affront and spat, “ARE YOU DRINKING…COFFEEE??!!” Completely unaware of her crime, she innocently responded, “Yes, it’s so cold. I thought I would have another cup. Do you want a cup?” Harumph. Afternoon coffee is my favorite.

So, Day 2 was less than stellar. Reading over this, I remembered that I had a divine appointment with a darling little friend, and Chloe loved all her classes. As one of my warrior princess heroines would say, “Life is so good.” But as Adam Levine reminds us, “It’s not always rainbows and butterflies.” Thinking about Adam Levine’s voice…and the rest of him makes me a little bit happier. How are you guys doing? I’m not doing Facebook, so please comment here or email me 🙂

xoxo

21 Days: Day 1

I woke up with anticipation and hope wondering what meaningful experience I could write about. Funny thing about that: When you approach life looking for blessings, that is exactly what comes to you. Power of attraction, intention … call it what you will, but I’m gonna call it a fact.

1. I spent way more than 2 minutes counting plenty of blessings not the least of which was waking at my normal 5 a.m. and functioning caffeine-free–that, my friends, is nothing short of miraculous.

2. While I’m not scrolling through pictures and status updates and actually spending time being present in my own life, I have way more time to spend engaged in one of my favorite activities: Reading. So today, I took a long look at my Goodreads to-read list and requested a few from the library. Our little Cortland library doesn’t always have the books I want to read, but they always get them within a week or so. Since I was really in the mood to read, and a few minutes early to pick Peyton up from school, I decided to wander around the library and see if any books wanted me to read them.

Strolling through the new releases, I nearly squealed (but I’ve been kicked out of the old Warren Public library enough times to know to keep quiet) when I saw Anne Lamott’s newest release, Small Victories. I did do a small and nearly imperceptible dance that probably could have been written off as a nervous er whole body twitch. Anne Lamott is my absolute FAVORITE writer. I had just requested this book and never dreamed it would be on the shelf in our tiny library. But of course it would be. The subtitle is: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace. I got it. This time.

3. Still working on my thank you note–by hand. I won’t say who it is for because the person might be one of my 3 loyal readers. You’ll know if you get a card in the mail 🙂

In conclusion, my friends, Day 1 was fab-u-louso. Ate healthy food, did yoga with my dear sweet friend, and got some great books to read. Also, I don’t have a caffeine headache. That’s really remarkable. I would love to hear how you are doing on the fast, or if you have a really kick-a$$ recipe you’d want to share. Or if you also love Anne Lamott. Cause she’s awesome. Happy Monday; I’m grateful for you.

xoxo

21 days of water, twigs, berries and thanks

Last year, along with our church family, we participated in the Daniel Fast. I wrote some about it here, here, and even a little bit here. This year, we are fasting again, but I feel better prepared and ready for the challenge. In addition to abstaining from caffeine, alcohol, bread and more, I’ve decided to add in a gratitude element.

Every morning, I spend my first few moments of consciousness thanking God for all He has given me…an amazing husband with whom I get to raise three healthy, beautiful, brilliant children…my own health…and every opportunity to use the unique gifts He placed within me to spread a little love and compassion.

Recently Rob Bell appeared on Super Soul Sunday–have you watched? It’s an awesome show where Oprah talks to inspirational people and has completely replaced my Real Housewives addiction–and spoke about a 21-day gratitude challenge which includes the following daily tasks:

1. Spend 2 minutes counting blessings
2. Write out one meaningful experience
3. Send a thank you note to one person

This seemed to complement a spiritually enriching food fast, and since I have this perfect place to keep me accountable, I thought I would drop out of some of my traditional social media scrolling for the 21 days and just post here.

If you are interested in joining me, please share your experiences or links to your own posts in the comments. And if you want to reach me in the meantime, you can email me at maryswanbell@gmail.com.

Love and prayers for a healthy and happy start to 2015!

xoxo

Fast On.

For 21 days, we are joining our church family in the Daniel Fast (we started Monday, so this is day 3). If you aren’t familiar, this fast involves eliminating meat, dairy, animal products, sugar, coffee, tea, leavened bread and more. You basically eat fruits, vegetables, and nuts and drink water.

Historically, people have fasted for many purposes: clarity, peace, closer relationship with God, an answer to a prayer and so forth. My fast is about surrendering deeper to God’s call on my life. I didn’t make New Year’s resolutions this year for several reasons. First, resolutions feel a lot like rules, and I don’t like rules. In fact, I have spent a good part of my life breaking them. And second, I have quit all the things I want to quit, and I don’t intend to take up any new bad habits. If I do, then I’ll rethink this next January 1st.

What I do, however, is start every day with the promise of being kinder, more patient, more compassionate. I really believe turning 40 changes you, and I feel now more than ever that I can really be in the moment. I no longer get all worked up about a stain on the carpet or a broken glass or any other sort of material loss that would have unhinged me before.

Things aren’t as important anymore. I used to want new furniture and new clothes and new stuff (we did just get a new car, but that was a necessity not a luxury), now, I am outrageously happy with what I have. My kitchen table scarred with glitter, nail polish, paint, and more. My sofa worn from three kids bouncing on it. Our house and our stuff is more than good enough.

And in that same vein, so is my body. This morning, when I looked in the mirror, instead of seeing hair that desperately needed to be washed, I saw little fingers twisting that hair to fall asleep at night. I saw the one perfect curl that falls beside my face every morning because my husband twirls it around his finger when he falls sleep. And I am enough. My unwashed, uncolored hair is good enough.

Instead of thinking what new exercise I could pin (yes, pin, someday I will actually do them, maybe) to flatten my stomach, I remembered the three times that same stomach had been stretched to outrageous proportions as my most precious gifts grew inside. My not-as-flat-as-it-once-was stomach is good enough.

I looked at the lines on my face and thought not of what new wrinkle cream would come in my Birchbox, but instead of all the experiences etched in those lines. I might have considered the wrinkle cream for minute; give me a break I’m in process. I thought of eyes that winked at my little athletes so they knew I saw their play and lips that had kissed so many boo boos and feverish heads. The face in the mirror doesn’t look the same as the face in my mind. The face in the mirror doesn’t look the same as it did 10 years ago, but it’s good enough.

In my 20’s and 30’s, I wanted to take pictures and make scrapbooks of every single moment (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but now, I just want to live in those moments. The memories are all ready captured in my heart and my mind.

So today, hungry, 15 pounds away from my goal weight, with dirty hair and a cold, I’m good enough. Good enough for my beautiful husband, my amazing little loves, my friends, and most of all for God. So, if you are looking in the mirror and seeing flaws, please stop. Look at what’s right. Be as kind to yourself as you are to your best friend. See yourself as the person who loves you the most sees you. You are more than good enough; in fact, you are wonderful, and you are loved.