21 Days: Day 9

How ’bout those Buckeyes? There’s something special about cheering together for sports that breaks down barriers. I mean you rarely see grown men so exuberantly displaying affection the way you do after a big win. Women are different, at least the ones I hang with. We can go deep, cry and pledge our undying love to each other on a random Tuesday with very little provocation. It’s an interesting phenomenon, though, the guys loving each other. It’s particularly endearing with this bunch since I’ve loved most of them for almost 30 years. Yeah, that’s the good stuff.

1. What is not good stuff, however, is the sleep deficit that results from 8:30 p.m. games. Why couldn’t they play on Saturday? Oh well. I was so afraid I would sleep through my alarm that I woke up about 427 times in the night. Grateful for: at 3:37a.m.–2 more hours of sleep; at 4:46–ummm…Brad’s not snoring or hiccupping…oops, jinxed that; at 6:10–oh shit, I did sleep through my alarm.

2. About 12 years ago, I discovered the delight that is afternoon coffee. It’s funny because I rarely think of it on my own, but when someone suggests it? I feel completely giddy. We have a sign in our kitchen that says, “Coffee is always a good the BEST idea.” I promise I’m not going back to talking about coffee all the time; this is just background info. So on an otherwise normal and not special afternoon, Brad would say, “You want coffee?” and I of course responded, “YES! I would LOVE coffee!” And suddenly, the normal afternoon was a little bit special.

The past year or so–since we got a hot tub–“You want coffee?” has evolved into, “You wanna get in the hot tub?” Or on some super amazing mornings, “You wanna have coffee in the hot tup?” Honestly…who doesn’t? It’s not really about the coffee or the hot tub, but it’s about the few minutes or sometimes an hour of conversation. It’s about putting down phones, turning off TV’s and just being…together. Tonight was pretty cold, and I thought for a 37.5 seconds before gleefully accepting the invitation, but it was so worth it. An hour of deep, therapeutic conversation and stargazing is so good for the soul.

3. I’m still praying about it. I am actually slacking on mailing these thank you notes. Four of them are addressed, stamped and waiting patiently on the microwave. I promise to mail them tomorrow.

Today, was a mixed bag of frenzied activity, whiny kiddos, sleep-deprivation and sweetness. I got 7 new books at the library. Seven. It’s God’s number, not mine. My fast has been super-awesome because I was too tired to even think about eating. I joke a lot about the weight loss/gain, but the bottom line is: I have a great group of friends with whom I’m fasting. We’re all 30 and 40 something. In your mid-to-late 30s and 40s for sure, weird stuff happens to your body, random weight gain and muscle tone loss…head hair loss and chin hair gain. Just stupid random stuff. We talk about it a lot because we’re girls, and that’s what we do.

I went to the doctor recently with a whole laundry list of complaints, and she smiled and nodded knowingly, responding, “It’s all normal, unfortunately. The 40s suck.” I’m happy with the 40s, my body and myself, but I’m never complacent and always striving to do better; that’s one thing I never want to change. As long as I’m breathing, I will be learning, growing, and trying to change for the better.

How was your day? Did you make anything fabulous to eat?  Did you make something mediocre? Are you too hungover to even think about it? This is a judgment-free zone. Namaste.

xoxo

21 Days: Day 4

Well, it’s official. I’m addicted to coffee. Addiction might too strong a word to describe my relationship with coffee. Maybe in love would be more fitting. I remember from one of my grad school classes some nugget about addicts needing ever-increasing amounts of their substance of choice to achieve the desired effect. Numbness. Euphoria. High. I’ve heard from heroin addicts that they never reach that same first-time euphoria, and that is what they are always trying to replicate. Chasing the dragon. One night, Brad and I were listening to 70’s hits on Pandora, and I kept googling what the songs were about. Almost all of them were about heroin. Even James Taylor (Fire and Rain). I know, right? He seemed like the boy next door with that sweet voice. I’m way off topic. This isn’t about heroin. It’s just about my one delightful cup of coffee. No more. And I feel like myself again not some evil-spirit-possessed-vile-mean-nasty version of myself. Phew…

1. Another snow day. I didn’t even set my alarm, but I did wake up at a reasonable hour grateful for the usual warm bed, happy healthy kids, amazingly wonderful husband (I really miss him on Thursdays), and great friends who love and support me and are always ready and willing to offer an encouraging word, or a beer, or coffee or all three.

2. My back was really super-achy the last two days, so I spent a lot of time sitting up against a heating pad. I think that may also have been the universe’s way of reminding me to be more compassionate to my bony little mom. Today, I decided that I wasn’t going to let my back dictate my day. Okay, so I’m reading Anne Lamott’s Small Victories–I told you that already–but there is an essay about her dying dog. I also have a dying dog, and I’m not nearly as nice to her as Annie is to her dying dog. I mostly get really irritated with my dying dog. She can barely walk. She has limited control of her…uh…functions anymore, so I’m always cleaning up messes. She bites me really hard if I forget and try to give her a treat out of my hand. She wants to go outside 57 times a day, which means I have to go outside 57 times a day, and she doesn’t seem to care that it’s really effing cold.

I promise I’m getting to the meaningful part.

Reading this essay today about how Anne refused to euthanize her dog and tried to make the end of her life as comfortable as possible by maximizing the things she, the dog, enjoyed softened my heart. Our dog fumbles and stumbles around in the house, but outside–especially in the snow–she runs and bounds like a gazelle. So, Lily and I bundled up and took her outside so she could race around and bury her snout in the snow and nearly rip my arm off because I wasn’t going fast enough to keep up with her. She sniffed out where the groundhogs live. She trailed after some random scent like a bloodhound. She was happy. She was young. She was energetic. For about 10 minutes. Then she was exhausted, and I practically had to carry her back into the house, where she has been sleeping for the last several hours. It was 10 minutes of putting another’s happiness above my own, and that felt really good after having been so angry the last few days. Lily had a good time too because little kids never seem to get cold even though one trip down the slide into a snow drift sent snow up both legs of her snow pants.

3. I haven’t the foggiest idea who I’m going to write to yet. I have prayed that God will bring someone to mind soon.

On a Daniel Fast note, I made these awesome little energy balls today minus the orange zest and cardamom and plus vanilla, chia, and sesame seeds. I was contemplating getting out my food processor–which I really didn’t want to do because it takes forever to drag down, assemble, and then clean up–when I thought, well, maybe this will work in the blender. Voila. Seriously. In about 15 seconds everything was perfectly blended to the most amazing consistency, and I did a big happy dance the kind that makes my kids come in the kitchen and say, “What the…” before joining in (Lily) or rolling their eyes and retreating to their bedroom (P). And it was okay because I was in my kitchen not the library. Rock on, you amazing little Kitchen-Aid blender. You’re a shining star.

How are you guys? Did you make anything fabulous today? Or do you have a super meaningful story to tell? Gosh, I’m so much happier with coffee.

xoxo

21 Days: Day 3

Today started out wonderfully. Last night, we prayed that school would be canceled today, and lo and behold at 5:45 a.m. it was. We (or I) were super excited for a day of doing nothing but watching movies and snuggling. That is a pipe dream because my little dynamo girl wants an itinerary and a social director, not her actual mom who prefers to sit curled up in a chair trying to cajole her into watching a movie or reading or just snuggling. Anyway, this morning my own mom quickly snapped me out of that daydream by sending me on a drug store errand. I won’t go into detail about said errand, but suffice it to say: It was unsavory. The kind of purchase that might send someone to Walgreens incognito. Fortunately, in my advancing age, I’ve reached a level of self-awareness that no longer lets my self-image get wrapped up in cashiers’ opinions of me and my purchases. Still. The only snuggling was with the cat.

1. I woke up easily because I was anticipating that I’d be able to go back to bed as soon as the superintendent called. So, I drank my hot water with lemon and ginger, counted lots of blessings and was supremely grateful to crawl back into bed at 6:15 a.m. and count a few more.

2. My goal is always to be real and genuine and truthful, so describing today’s meaningful experience also involves divulging that I was nasty today. I was short-tempered with my mom, impatient with Lily, irritated with the geriatric dog and just an all-around bitch. P was wise enough to stay in his room so he didn’t face my wrath. Then, this afternoon, I spent a blissful hour and a half talking to one of my dearest friends on the phone. We laughed until my sides ached and then talked about some serious stuff too. It was like a therapy session and coffee date combined. She is also my best coffee friend. When we worked together, we hit every Starbucks in northeast Ohio and western PA. Although we live states apart now, we still manage to have coffee dates a couple times a year, even if they are only on the phone. So, while I was talking to her, I had a cup of coffee. Yes, I cheated on the fast. I put cream in it too. I’m not feeling horrible about it though as my little perfectionist self would have in the past because you know what? I have been a lot nicer since then. I’m not sure if it was the delicious caffeinated delight or just laughing and chatting with a dear friend, but my soul got some much-needed nourishing.

3. I did better today with my Thank You note. It’s the coffee. I am admittedly smarter when I drink coffee.

Last year, “cheating” on the fast would have filled me with guilt and shame. This year, I realize: There’s no shame in knowing and admitting that I chose to drink a cup of coffee. I didn’t smoke a cigarette or use any illegal drugs. It’s coffee. And God still loves me. And it was soooooo good. I’m not sure if I’ll drink it tomorrow or not. School’s already been cancelled so I might. I’ll be a way better social director if I do; That. Is. For. Sure.

Oh, I forgot to mention: I gained 2.5 pounds. Isn’t that awesome? Not even sure how that happens? I stayed away from nuts today. Stupid. Freaking. Scale.

Despite some shortcomings, it was a pretty good day. I made spaghetti squash with peanut sauce that was absolutely phenomenal–I don’t know how I could be gaining weight :). How are you guys doing? I have talked to several friends who are doing way better than I am. Good for you, you bunch of overachieving show-offs 😉 I still love you. And thankfully, I’ve also heard from some people who, like me, are struggling. I’m praying for you, my sisters. And by the way, I’m super grateful for all of you who are with me on this fast, cheering from the sidelines, and even those of you who are reading this simply to fuel your loathing. Keep on keeping on, my lovelies!

xoxo

21 Days: Day 2

Most of us would rather avoid negative people who complain and never seem to find the good in anything. Naturally. Well, there’s the flip side too. The overly positive people can grate on someone’s last nerve. A few years ago, I belonged to a small group of church women that met regularly. I love these girls like blood to this day–they’re my sisters with issues. We were a diverse group to say the least, but one lady was super positive, always in a good mood, never worried or upset, just always “trusting in the Lord. Thank you, Jesus.” This was all well and good until one day when a more spirited sister snapped, “Oh, whatever!! You’re just so HOLY.” That’s right. Even holiness can be annoying.

Who wants to be around some happy chirpy little bird (like me yesterday) when you aren’t feeling particularly sunny? Not me for sure. In fact, this morning, I didn’t even want to be around my self from yesterday. I read Day 1, and my higher level mind was able to rise above the splintered damaged part of my personality long enough to roll her eyes as the shrew mocked our words and overall happy demeanor in a sing-song-y voice. Get. It. Together. Suffice it to say, today went a little differently. The cold weather saps my energy and kinda steals my sunshine.

1. I counted my blessings over and over like praying Hail Mary’s for penance. “Thank you for Brad and the kids. Thank you for our health. Thank you for our home and safe cars to drive. Thank you for this warm bed and the sweet baby snuggled up next to me…” then I fell back to sleep. It wasn’t two minutes. When the 8 minutes of snooze elapsed, I reiterated.

2. Try as I might to be grateful for everything today and to look for blessings, I mostly moped and sighed and ate apples. I think it’s all the toxins exiting my body. They’re pretty close to the surface right now and affecting my overall demeanor and behavior. This is me writing around my lack of a meaningful experience. Finally, as I was trying to wrack my brain for something to bliss out about, grace stepped in. Well, grace wandered into my bedroom in the form of my lanky 14-year-old who often doesn’t leave his room for hours at a time. He moseyed in as I tucked Lily in, climbed in bed and snuggled her. I held my breath for a moment because this could have gone either way. Sometimes she welcomes his affection, and other times she offers blows to the face in return. Fortunately, she giggled and showed him a new game on her kindle and for about 2 1/2 minutes, I watched my two getting-too-big-for-my-bed babies share the sweetest moment that made even a kind of crappy day feel pretty darn blessed.

3. You guys … I’m trying to dig deep with these thank you’s, but my brain is so caffeine-deprived that right now it’s a bit of a struggle. So, I’m being real honest with you: They’re not my best work. You might get one. It might include run-on sentences or a scratched out letter or word. It might mention coffee because that’s mostly what’s on my mind. If we went on a coffee date–ever–I’ve been thinking about it. If I were using Facebook, my status updates would be about coffee.

Brief tangent: I walked into my mom’s house today at about 2 p.m. and the sultry, seductive smell of coffee wafted in my direction. My mom only has one cup of coffee per day. In the morning. I took her engaging in this afternoon delight as a personal affront and spat, “ARE YOU DRINKING…COFFEEE??!!” Completely unaware of her crime, she innocently responded, “Yes, it’s so cold. I thought I would have another cup. Do you want a cup?” Harumph. Afternoon coffee is my favorite.

So, Day 2 was less than stellar. Reading over this, I remembered that I had a divine appointment with a darling little friend, and Chloe loved all her classes. As one of my warrior princess heroines would say, “Life is so good.” But as Adam Levine reminds us, “It’s not always rainbows and butterflies.” Thinking about Adam Levine’s voice…and the rest of him makes me a little bit happier. How are you guys doing? I’m not doing Facebook, so please comment here or email me 🙂

xoxo

What’s in Your Coffee?

Every once in awhile, something really amazing happens. Last week, that amazing thing happened to me. SheSpeaks sent me two bottles of Torani flavored syrups, asked me to try them and blog about them. A-MA-ZING. Come up with a recipe, they said. I say: Go ahead and send me an advance because I have got a whole book. Umm, @DouglasGarasic, can I get a title?

Seriously, for the past week, I have been living out my dream of being a Starbucks barista in my own kitchen. “You know what would be good in that hot chocolate? Some Torani Salted Caramel Syrup!” “Coffee? Oh, wait, how about some Torani Peppermint Syrup? Mmmm, we’ll make it a peppermint latte!” My kids, who are equally easily amused, are enjoying their fabulous coffee house cocoas, but my black coffee husband is missing out.

I have to admit that as much as I wanted to love it, I’ve been disappointed with every Salted Caramel concoction I’ve tried. Until now. I cannot get enough of the Torani Salted Caramel Syrup. I mixed it with apple cider and whipped cream rum for a delightful adult concoction. I’ve added it to coffee and hot chocolate, and if I’m being perfectly honest, yes, I have also licked it off the spoon. It is THAT GOOD.

If peppermint and salted caramel are not for you, don’t despair, they have a TON of flavors! Pumpkin spice, caramel, chicken and waffles–I’m serious, raspberry…what are you waiting for? Go! God Speed!

You might have gathered that this post is sponsored by SheSpeaks and Torani, but that in no way minimizes my love of these syrups.