21 Days: Day 13 – 14

Yesterday was a blur of moving, boxes and stuff and bodies and cars and All. That. Jazz. I didn’t write and beat myself up about that, but I shushed the shrew voice and am moving on.

A few days ago I downloaded an app that counts your steps, lets you log your food and water intake, and so forth. I’ve been reading Eat Move Sleep: How Small Choices Lead to Big Changes by Tom Rath and implementing some of the healthy tips. With all the moving yesterday, I figured I would destroy that step goal. Here’s the thing about that though: Your phone must be in your possession for it to work. So it was mostly, “Oh shoot, where’s my phone? LILY, I need my phone. DAMMITTTT, I left my phone in the car. Ugghhhhhhh…Whatever.”

The book encourages consistent healthy choices rather than some big life change. With each opportunity to choose healthy or unhealthy, you choose healthy. So after the moving we went to dinner, and I chose stir fry and didn’t eat any of the rice or bread. And there were peppers in oil. I put them on my salad. But, they still had Christmas Ale on tap. I mean draft Christmas Ale in mid-January is an obvious gift from the universe. So, it seemed rude and ungrateful to thumb my nose at it. I did, however, say no to the cinnamon and brown sugar rimmed glass. I didn’t dislocate my shoulder patting myself on the back.

1. It’s really easy to wake early and count blessings on the weekend because I’m surrounded by love. And my husband brings me coffee in bed, which means I have about 5 full minutes between waking up and his arrival to express my gratitude.

2. Yesterday morning as we enjoyed an uncharacteristically warm sunny drive, I gazed dreamily through the sun roof and was amazed to see a bald eagle soaring over the car (Brad was driving, you guys.) I’m intrigued by animal totems and am often visited by hawks–and once a rogue owl–so I immediately started researching what message a bald eagle brings:

When an eagle appears, you are on notice to be courageous and stretch your limits. Do not accept the status quo, but rather reach higher and become more than you believe you are capable of. Look at things from a new, higher perspective. Be patient with the present; know that the future holds possibilities that you may not yet be able to see. You are about to take flight.

Whether you believe or think it’s all just a bunch of hocus pocus, that’s way cool.

3. I’m getting behind on my thank you’s again. I’ll mail them tomorrow. Wait…Tuesday.

So yesterday and today were pretty good eating days. I realize now that one of the most important elements for me is: Be Prepared. Pack healthy snacks. Make food ahead of time so I don’t make an unhealthy choice in a moment of hunger-induced weakness. And the biggest key is never to let myself get too hungry. I’m mean and angry and much more likely to eat more and make bad choices. I was literally eating carrot sticks on the way to dinner yesterday because I was starving and didn’t want to make a bad choice because my stomach was overruling my brain.

How are you guys doing? What are your thoughts on spirit animals? Have you read any good books lately? I’ve got a stack of non-fiction to get through, and then I’m going to reward myself with something fun. My girlfriend and I had a fake book club for five minutes during which we read Gone Girl, which was so great. Anyway, she sent me this awesome list of books to read if you loved Gone Girl, so I think I’ll try one of those. I’m always looking for recommendations 🙂

xoxo

Fast On.

For 21 days, we are joining our church family in the Daniel Fast (we started Monday, so this is day 3). If you aren’t familiar, this fast involves eliminating meat, dairy, animal products, sugar, coffee, tea, leavened bread and more. You basically eat fruits, vegetables, and nuts and drink water.

Historically, people have fasted for many purposes: clarity, peace, closer relationship with God, an answer to a prayer and so forth. My fast is about surrendering deeper to God’s call on my life. I didn’t make New Year’s resolutions this year for several reasons. First, resolutions feel a lot like rules, and I don’t like rules. In fact, I have spent a good part of my life breaking them. And second, I have quit all the things I want to quit, and I don’t intend to take up any new bad habits. If I do, then I’ll rethink this next January 1st.

What I do, however, is start every day with the promise of being kinder, more patient, more compassionate. I really believe turning 40 changes you, and I feel now more than ever that I can really be in the moment. I no longer get all worked up about a stain on the carpet or a broken glass or any other sort of material loss that would have unhinged me before.

Things aren’t as important anymore. I used to want new furniture and new clothes and new stuff (we did just get a new car, but that was a necessity not a luxury), now, I am outrageously happy with what I have. My kitchen table scarred with glitter, nail polish, paint, and more. My sofa worn from three kids bouncing on it. Our house and our stuff is more than good enough.

And in that same vein, so is my body. This morning, when I looked in the mirror, instead of seeing hair that desperately needed to be washed, I saw little fingers twisting that hair to fall asleep at night. I saw the one perfect curl that falls beside my face every morning because my husband twirls it around his finger when he falls sleep. And I am enough. My unwashed, uncolored hair is good enough.

Instead of thinking what new exercise I could pin (yes, pin, someday I will actually do them, maybe) to flatten my stomach, I remembered the three times that same stomach had been stretched to outrageous proportions as my most precious gifts grew inside. My not-as-flat-as-it-once-was stomach is good enough.

I looked at the lines on my face and thought not of what new wrinkle cream would come in my Birchbox, but instead of all the experiences etched in those lines. I might have considered the wrinkle cream for minute; give me a break I’m in process. I thought of eyes that winked at my little athletes so they knew I saw their play and lips that had kissed so many boo boos and feverish heads. The face in the mirror doesn’t look the same as the face in my mind. The face in the mirror doesn’t look the same as it did 10 years ago, but it’s good enough.

In my 20’s and 30’s, I wanted to take pictures and make scrapbooks of every single moment (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but now, I just want to live in those moments. The memories are all ready captured in my heart and my mind.

So today, hungry, 15 pounds away from my goal weight, with dirty hair and a cold, I’m good enough. Good enough for my beautiful husband, my amazing little loves, my friends, and most of all for God. So, if you are looking in the mirror and seeing flaws, please stop. Look at what’s right. Be as kind to yourself as you are to your best friend. See yourself as the person who loves you the most sees you. You are more than good enough; in fact, you are wonderful, and you are loved.