Can You Hold This for Me?

It’s a big week for us. Chloe’s graduating. She’s going to a grown up interview for a grown up job. I’ve spent a lot of time crying. Not sad crying. Not emptying nest crying. Just feeling all the feelings crying. Pride and hope and where the hell did the time go…all at the same time. I’m crying right now just writing about crying.

The past few months, I’ve had shoulder pain. Can’t raise my arm, can’t do much yoga, can’t spot Lily on back handsprings kind of shoulder pain. I went to the chiropractor, and he got my back and neck in better shape than they’ve been in for the last 10 years. I highly recommend chiropractors, by the way. No pills, no shots, no scalpels, just good old fashioned adjustments.

Unfortunately, it didn’t help my shoulder. At all.

So, I’ve spent weeks researching, stretching, icing, heating, taking more ibuprofen than I’m comfortable with, but nothing seemed to help that much.

Stretching helps some.

Meditation helps more.

But then…

Yesterday, Lily and I went to the Christmas Spectacular at Lakepark Farm with some friends. It’s wonderful and magical, and the kids and adults alike had a great time. As we neared the end of the evening, when the kids were all tired and sugared up and slap happy, I noticed my one girlfriend sitting on a bench holding her purse, children’s coats, toys they made in Santa’s workshop, two cups of hot chocolate and a bag of giant turtles–the chocolate variety–as she stared blankly ahead.

Seeing my friend bogged down with so much stuff sent a bolt of clarity directly to my heart.

I’m carrying too much stuff. Some is mine, but too much of it belongs to other people. I’ve been unwittingly carrying around bad days, hurt feelings, secrets, confessions, judgments, expectations, insecurities and so much more.

No wonder my shoulder hurts, I’m like a freaking pack mule.

Reaching my own full hands toward her, I joked, “Can you hold this for me?”

She laughed. We laughed.

But…It’s too much.

It makes my joints ache.

When the kids were little and wanted to bring a special item along somewhere we would always tell them, “You can bring it, but you have to carry it.” We’re not carrying it for you.

So, day by day, item by item, I am giving stuff back. I can’t carry this for you. Here you go. This belongs to you. This is yours. I can’t carry this for you.

You can bring it, but you have to carry it.

Whew.

Mowana, Magic, and Monday

Snow is not my deal. I don’t like to be cold, so I politely decline to make snowmen, ride sleds, ski, or ice skate. Well, I have ice skated on occasion. It’s rare. Mostly, when the kids want to play outside, it’s on Daddy. Granted, in my overachieving 20’s and and early 30’s, I suffered through these activities, but not now. My kids know I love them; I don’t have to get my toes frostbitten to prove how much.

However, this past weekend, we attended Making Room for Jesus at Camp Mowana*, and my snow perspective shifted a bit. We hiked through beautiful, picturesque, landscapes; every picture I took looked like a Christmas card. Okay, I still had frozen toes and skipped sled riding and the second hike, but for awhile, it was pretty amazing.

In those quiet, still, cold, and beautiful moments, God felt so close. It is easy to feel close to God when you remove the pressures of daily life. No tv’s, ipads, xboxes, or computers, but no one gets bored. Kids play chess, hike, color and make crafts. Moms had great conversations, Bible studies, and spent time in prayer, fellowship, and worship.

It is one of those places where God is just so near. You know? You can feel His presence. You are calm. You are centered.

The bad thing about going to those places is that then you come back home. Home to dog hair–seriously, IT’S DECEMBER! ENOUGH ALL READY. Home to migraines and tummy aches and another day off school. Home to “Are you done with your Christmas shopping yet?” I HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED. Home to whining and bickering and sickness and cooking dinner and shopping, and did I mention the freaking dog hair?

Just yesterday, I felt so calm, centered, close to God. Well, I was close to Him this morning as I yell-prayed, “Please LORD, I have so much to do. PLEASE, Lord, no more headaches. NO MORE STOMACHACHES. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.” And God said, “No.”

But in His no, He reminded me that cleaning, working, writing, scrubbing, gifting, shopping, cooking, and stressing can wait. Stop, look around, and embrace the magic in the moments that you are forced to be still. It’s not about going away to find Jesus in a perfect, beautiful place. Sure, that’s great and wonderful, but it’s really about making room for Him in my messy house, cluttered mind, and imperfect life.

It’s about shifts in perspective. It’s about seeing the obstacles as opportunities. I didn’t make it to the gym Monday, but I got to spend the afternoon watching movies with my sweet boy. I’m not going to finish my shopping today, but I get to hold my snuggly littlest all day. I’m not going to spend as much time this holiday with my precious firstborn, but she is going to have an amazing experience on the west coast.

Today, Lord, I’m thankful for messed up plans and the magical opportunities they present. I’m thankful for the ability to see You not only in the picture perfect beauty of Mowana, but also in the messy chaotic beauty on North Park. I’m not thankful for dog hair, but I’m a work in progress. Amen.

* We are not Lutheran, but our good friends are. Also, the camp is more loving Jesus, less being Lutheran.

Do You Believe in Magic?

So I’ve mentioned a few times that I’m turning 40. Ahem. Tomorrow. Well, the awesome folks over at SheSpeaks heard too and sent me this awesome L’Oreal Paris Magic BB Cream to try and blog about.

If you pay attention to skin care, facial products, beauty products–I’ve told you all a million times how much I absolutely LOVE my Birchbox–then you have probably heard of BB cream. It is  “Beauty Balm” and supposedly comprises serum, moisturizer, foundation, and sunblock and a bunch of other stuff in one super-product. I tried another brand when it first came out, and my reaction was…eh. I used it. It was good for putting on to go to the gym so I didn’t look like a corpse, and daily but with reinforcements such as foundation and powder.

Based on that experience, I didn’t have high hopes for L’Oreal’s version, but I am always up for trying new things.

It comes in a cute little tube and directs you to dot on your face and then blend in. When I squeezed a few drops out, I was less than confident, as it was kind of a whitish color. Anyway, I dabbed and blended and didn’t notice much difference. However, I washed my hands, looked back in the mirror, and my face was FLAWLESS. I mean…as flawless as my face gets, I am 24 hours away from being 40. My skin tone looked even with a hint of color. My blemishes and pores had vanished. And overall, my face looked smooth and shine-free. One of my issues with the other BB Cream was it gave your skin a “dewy” finish. If you all ready tend to be oily, like me, dewy is not an adjective you look for in your skin care. But with this cream even after a workout, my face still looked pretty even and smooth. Magic is right!

I’m really excited about this product! I’d show you before and after pictures, but I’m a generation too late for “selfies,” so my mirror pictures are pretty sad. Still, I’ll try to give you something. Later.

*This is a sponsored post, but I really really do love this product and will buy it when my sample runs out!