21 Days: Day 15

It was a happy day off filled with fun little girl activities, duct tape crafts and a trip to the trampoline park complete with a mommy date. I mean, who could ask for more. And now I get to enjoy a full hour and a half of tv with my son. My cup runneth over.

1. I usually sleep fitfully on Sundays, and last night was no exception. I was wide awake at 2 a.m. listening to my son cackle and carry on with his Xbox live buddies. It actually made me happy since earlier he was in a dark place after Tom Brady and company dealt his Colts an embarrassing loss. Still, I got to sleep in and was grateful for a happy kid, a warm bed, a happy husband and a good report from my big girl who spent the weekend in the Big Apple.

2. Sometimes meaningful things are so simple that if you aren’t paying close attention, you might miss them entirely. Today, a few of Lily’s friends came over to make duct tape crafts for a school assignment. They work in groups to make something, then they have a little market where they sell their wares–for Monopoly money. It is a fun project that teaches them a little bit about business.

Since their class is pretty split boy/girl wise, they made cute bows and pencil holders but wanted to make something to appeal to the boys as well. Another mom who was helping suggested paper footballs out of duct tape. I remember Peyton loving paper footballs when he was Lily’s age and then some little plastic variations they made so we decided to make them. Except I had no idea how to make them.

So I ventured into his domain and asked P to make me two paper footballs. Sometimes when I ask him to do things, he complains. Sometimes, he procrastinates. And sometimes, he sweetly complies. When he responded, “Sure, Mom,” telling his xbox buddies to hold on, my heart smiled.

A year ago, that wouldn’t have been a big deal, but I recently watched one sweet little kid turn into a tween, then a teen and then boom an adult who lives in a different state, and I know these years zip by in fast forward. With this in mind, I’m trying hard to be a good boy mom and give him space and room to become who he is going to be and not be needy and clingy. But it’s really hard.

It’s painful and awkward to go from being the center of somebody’s world to being kind of a supporting role. Especially when those people are always the center of my world. That never really shifts for mothers. I know it’s natural, and I want our children to be independent, but it’s not without growing pains. Chloe and I eased naturally into more of a grown up relationship, but she still asks me for advice and shares secrets with me. I am treading carefully around this relationship with my boy because I’ve seen so many moms blow it and end up with weird (or no) grown-up relationships with their sons.

But today, he stepped outside of his world willingly and kindly to do something for me, and that made my world feel a little bit sweeter.

3. I have a fresh supply of note cards, and guess what: The post office is open tomorrow.

I had a late lunch with a friend and our girls today, and we split a salad and grilled asparagus. Also, we oooohed and awwwed over it as if these vegetables were the most amazing meal we’d ever eaten. That’s what the last week of the fast looks like.

Do you have any advice for navigating the teen years? Would you just like to commiserate? Or do you have an amazing relationship with your son and want to be my mentor? Anyone?

Dear Lord, My Baby Boy is a Teenager.

This weekend, my son turned 13. That was bizarro. It means he’s only 3 years younger than Brad was when we started dating. It means that soon girls will think of him the way I thought (and still think) about his dad. That makes me throw up in my mouth.

He’s just a little boy; right? He still crawls in my lap and snuggles with me. He still wants to hang out with us and doesn’t think it’s queer to go on a date with his mom. He’s not embarrassed by the notes I put in his lunch. A couple years ago he told me someone made fun of my note in his lunch, and I said, “Well, I’m sorry his mom doesn’t love him as much as I love you.” But I asked him if he was embarrassed, and I told him it would not hurt my feelings if he didn’t want me to put notes in his lunch. He said, “No, Mom. I like your notes.”

But very soon, he’s not gonna be a little boy anymore. He goes to high school next year. Surely, I can’t put notes in his lunch then. And I wonder if we will still be able to gush over him. He is the only boy in a family of strong female personalities. We love loud and expressively. We hug and kiss and gush.

My husband gets really uncomfortable and embarrassed when the womenfolk in his family gush over him. It generally only happens at events that serve alcohol; nevertheless, it happens. See, we were both pretty invisible in our families, so now when they “see” us, it’s awkward. For a long time, we only saw each other. For a long time, that was comfortable. It’s still comfortable when it’s just us. We see each other, and we are happy in that world.

Once, we lost a group of friends that meant a great deal to me. I cried, and Brad said, “We were fine before, and we will be fine again. All we need are the people in this house.” Our circle has grown to include others, but he’s right: If we just had God and each other, we’d still be just fine.

But someday, my boy is not gonna live in this house. Someday, my boy is not gonna need me. Someday, is his wife going to have to remind him to call me? Is she going to suggest that he should send me a card? Is she going to dislike me? Will she think I’m crazy and possessive? Will she think that his sisters and I are too overbearing and keep him away from us? Will he decide that he just needs the people in his house?

I don’t let myself go down that road too often, but I actually pray a lot about my son’s future wife. I pray that she will love and cherish his tender heart. I pray that she won’t run over him or take advantage of his gentle nature. I pray that she will appreciate and encourage him. I pray that she will want to be part of our family. I actually have a lovely young lady picked out for him at church, but I guess that might be overbearing. Course, if that happened to be God’s will, I would surely rejoice. This is the time where I imagine God shaking his head at me. Lovingly, of course.

In the meantime, I will keep praying and doing my best to cultivate a relationship that will stand the tests the teen years bring. And I will still snuggle my son every opportunity I get. I will ALWAYS cheer the loudest at his games and try to restrain myself from hurting anyone who hurts him. I prayed so much for him during the years I tried to get pregnant, and I didn’t stop when I had him. My prayers just changed from please to thank you.